How to Communicate with Deceased Loved Ones. A Medium’s Guide

I am Rick Vandermeer, an evidential medium, and communicating with loved ones who have passed is both my calling and my profession. While not everyone can communicate with deceased loved ones the way mediums do, it is possible for everyone to communicate with their loved ones. You may be unsure how to communicate to your deceased loved ones, so I’ll explain it a bit further.

As a general rule, you communicate with your deceased loved ones through your intentions, thoughts, and feelings. Your loved ones are most directly aware of these means of communication and they communicate to you through directing your awareness, gut feelings, coincidences, and signs.

In this article, I’ll explain how you can communicate with your loved ones in heaven and how you can best receive the messages they send you. But before we dive into that, it is important to discuss any of the common fears that might exist around communicating with your loved ones because these can prevent you from communicating freely. The number one fear I hear people bring up is whether it is ok to talk to your deceased loved ones.

It is ok to talk to your deceased loved ones. Speaking out loud or in thought to a loved one is a valid and effective way of communicating. Also, according to grief counselor Paul Camp, it is a healthy and helpful way to cope with loss and process grief.

So both as a medium and in grief counseling, talking to your deceased loved ones is considered healthy and normal behavior.

Paul Camp, who teaches grief counseling, says: “The loss of a loved one is a very big adjustment. In life, we don’t only talk to each other to send a message but also to feel connected and to help organize our thoughts. Talking to your deceased loved ones can relieve feelings of loneliness and help you think more clearly. It is also a good way to keep your loved ones close to your heart and it facilitates the grieving process. Talking to loved ones doesn’t mean we refuse to go on with our lives. It means we actively include our beloved departed in the next chapter of our life.”

And when you think about it, what could be more natural? Our loved ones are still with us after they cross over. They are still the same person. And you can talk to them just as you did when they were alive.

How to Send Messages to Your Deceased Loved Ones

To communicate with your loved ones, you don’t have to talk out loud. They pick up on the thoughts you send them and your intentions. Even if you don’t phrase things perfectly, they can sense your intention for them. So in fact, sending your thoughts and messages to your loved ones is the easiest thing in the world.

Another common misconception is that the afterlife is a place far away and that your messages have to travel very far to be heard. That’s not the case. Our loved ones are focused right here with us and are still very interested in our lives. Because the afterlife is non-physical, time and place do not exist. I know that’s a little hard to imagine but the important thing to remember is that they are only a thought away and always available.

There really isn’t much to teach when it comes to sending messages to your loved ones. That’s the easy part.

How to Receive Messages From Your Deceased Loved Ones

Loved ones can communicate messages to us in countless different ways. Signs may include directing your attention towards times at a clock in moments that are significant to you, showing number sequences such as your wedding date, showing animals, feathers, certain songs playing on the radio, and so on.

Sometimes loved ones play with electricity, cause your pets to bark at meaningful moments or make knocking sounds. They can direct attention so things appear to be missing or so you’ll notice something meaningful.

So how do you know it’s a sign from a loved one and not a random coincidence?

A while back, I was sitting on a bench in the forest and started thinking about my dog Noa – a red cocker spaniel – who passed away, when out of nowhere a red cocker spaniel appears and jumps right up to me begging to be petted. Part of me was still a little doubtful if this was a sign when her owner appeared yelling ‘Noa, come here!’.

My point is, signs loved ones communicate are refined and meaningful, but they are usually not subtle. When your loved ones wish to make sure you ‘get the message’, the signs will be undeniable.

Picking up the messages your loved ones send to you can be slightly harder than sending them because we must be open to them and aware to receive the signs and gut feelings our loved ones send us. But anyone who is aware of what to look for can do it.

To receive messages in the form of gut feelings, coincidences or signs, you don’t have to do anything other than becoming aware of them. You don’t need a ouija board, special candles, or any other props to receive messages from your loved ones. Being aware is enough.

1. Accept there is no big secret
This is where a lot of people say: “That’s too simple. Isn’t there some big secret I need to learn?” But it’s exactly that kind of thinking which can make it harder to communicate. Because if you believe something difficult and unattainable must happen before you can communicate with your loved ones, then you are looking for this big secret instead of just being open and aware. It really is that simple.

2. Allow signs to appear but don’t force them
Another thing that could trip you up is setting such high expectations of the signs you believe you should receive, that you actually block yourself from communication. Because the harder you try, the harder it is to sense your loved ones. I think it is because receiving messages from loved ones is about the art of allowing the stream of information to flow. As soon as you try to force anything, you block communication. We can force things in the physical world, but the spirit world is all about being open and allowing.

3. Accept that not everything is a sign
A very common mistake that can cause confusion is to try and see meaning in everything. If loved ones send a message, they’ll direct your attention toward it. There is no need to go looking for signs and it isn’t helpful to try and find meaning in everything you see. Sometimes a feather is just a feather. This again comes down to wanting to see signs too much and forcing an interpretation.

4. Be open to different interpretations
When you are open to receiving messages without trying to force anything and your loved ones send you a gut feeling or sign, try to stay open to different interpretations. Being too strict or expecting loved ones to communicate only in a very specific way, holds you apart from being open and aware.

There are some ways you can recognize if a message is from your loved ones:

  • First, messages from loved ones are always positive. If a message is negative, it is your own mind and not spirit. There is no negativity in the spirit world. And even if your loved ones were sometimes negative or critical during their lifetime, that falls away when they cross over.
  • Second, loved ones never tell you what to do. Instead, they may remind you of your power and soul so you can make your own decisions from a position of strength.

5. Allow for divine timing and seek quiet places
Message from your loved ones come when they are needed, not when they are expected. The timing of a sign or gut feeling is often important in interpreting its meaning.

As for places, there are some places, especially in nature or where you shared a lot of memories with a loved one, where it is easier to communicate with deceased loved ones. Your loved ones are not somehow more powerful in these places. But it is easier for you to be open and aware. Your mind simply becomes more quiet and open when you are grounded in nature or in places that hold strong memories for you.

Mediumistic Communication with Loved Ones

While everyone can be open to signs and gut feelings, mediums have a greater natural ability to tune in and communicate with the spirit world. Without going into too much detail, the basics of mediumship are very similar to being open to signs. But mediums also receive information through the clair senses.

The clair senses correspond with the five senses:

  • Clairvoyance means clear seeing
  • Clairaudience means clear hearing
  • Clairsentience means clear feeling
  • Clairalience means clear smelling
  • Clairgustance means clear tasting
  • Claircognizance means clear knowing*

*Claircognizance is not a sense but direct knowledge that doesn’t have to be interpreted through a sense.

Full mediumistic ability is rare. While it is possible to hone our ability and get the most out of it, the basic strength of our ability is something we are born with.

It is much more common for people to have some limited mediumistic ability. They may pick up information loved ones try to communicate through one of the clairs. You might see a loved one when you just wake up, feel a warm or cold tingling sensation, or a sudden taste in your mouth reminds you of a dish you ate together at a very special moment.

It is perfectly normal to sense your loved ones through the clair senses, but please know not everyone is able to do so. For instance, it can be very frustrating if you are not able to see a deceased family member and your sibling can. It doesn’t mean they are refusing to communicate with you. In fact, they are trying to communicate to you through your sibling who can relay the message. It’s the same with dreams. Not everyone is naturally attuned to see their loved ones in their dreams.

The good news for those without clair senses is that your loved ones can always send signs and gut feelings in the way we discussed earlier. That works for everyone who can be open to them. (And I realize it can be more difficult when you are mourning or have turmoil in your life.) But you can always ask a medium to relay messages for you as well.